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What happened that led up to the divorce?

Just a month prior to marriage, my ex started becoming hard to deal with. Initially, I thought it was work stress but it persisted throughout marriage. Towards the end of our marriage, he became physically abusive to our dog and I, and also slept with two mutual friends of ours, both of which are his brother’s ex-girlfriends. One of the girls was also a good friend of mine who lived near us.

What emotions did you experience at the start?

Anger, disgust, betrayed, sadness, loss, frustration, confused, lonely, failure, embarrassed by the failed marriage

What support systems or resources were most helpful to you during this time?

Finding Begin Again, and going for therapy. Begin Again provided the social support that I desperately during the initial phase. Having moved out from my matrimonial home, and community, I had to restart my life. My personal friends were busy with their own family and lives, and they could not understand what I had gone through. I was desperately finding for social support as I felt so alone and lost.

What are the key lessons you learned from your marriage, the divorce journey, and the healing process?

1) Have boundaries regardless of relationships. Never allow others to cross your boundaries, and allow them to step over you. You need to prioritise and protect yourself as well. 2) Friendship are very important, maintain them even if you are in a love relationship. 3) Trust your instincts, even when it does not make logical sense. Chances are your body is picking up body language and environmental cues to inform caution.

What do you think you could have done better for yourself during this time?

Perhaps trust my instinct instead of hearing other’s advice even though I know it is for my own good. I wasn’t angry with my good friend who might have unintentionally betrayed me. I was angry with my ex who took advantage of the situation to sleep with her. Friends advised me to not speak to her, as she was not a real friend. However, one will never know what will happen in the future, I will never ever have a chance to try to patch up our friendship.

What would you say to your ex-partner if you met them now?

I won’t say anything. He knows what he has done. There is not point saying anything, it won’t change the situation or what has happened.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone going through a divorce, what would it be?

Find a good therapist to help process what had happened, and to manage and move on with life.

How has this experience changed how you see love and relationships?

Yes, love is not about self sacrifice, it will not improve the relationship. It will slowly break you down till you are non-existent and dysfunctional, which will affect the marriage.