Story009

What happened that led up to the divorce?

It first began with him going to help out with his mum's dementia during the weekends. Over a few months, he started to be more frequent to the point of very routinely to be there during the weekends.

My gut feeling led me to think that he might not really be there as I slowly felt his emotional neglect, i.e. his replies are slow when he is there and sometimes uncontactable. I eventually went to check on him one evening and saw his car NOT AT HIS MUM'S PLACE.

And the series of lies unfolded soon. And today, I am finally crystal clear that he is having an affair.

What emotions did you experience at the start?

Confusion. When his lies were exposed, he became a changed person. Angry and deflective and vague in his reasons, claiming there is no 3rd party, but just drinking alone. I could not comprehend what was really going on.

What support systems or resources were most helpful to you during this time?

The church community, family, colleagues and close old friends.

What are the key lessons you learned from your marriage, the divorce journey, and the healing process?

Communication (only if both parties are capable and willing to do so)

Forgiveness (is to set yourself free) and Grace (means the most to the giver)

What do you think you could have done better for yourself during this time?

Should have connected the dots earlier to expose the affair.

What would you say to your ex-partner if you met them now?

Nothing. He is out of my life, the most familiar stranger.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone going through a divorce, what would it be?

Go through it with strength and courage, with loved ones and know that YOU REALLY WILL EMERGE WELL from the other side of the storm.

How has this experience changed how you see love and relationships?

If God willing, He will open and close doors for you. I believe that He removed my ex from my life because it is toxic and not purposeful anymore. Every pain you experience from the divorce is and will be a preparation for your next chapter.