Story004

What happened that led up to the divorce?

Well my partner went overseas to study. While my partner was there, I think she realised that she was not really happy being with me. My partner also met someone who was married at a conference in Europe earlier that year. Apparently that someone and my partner continued talking and discussing how they shouldn't be married.

My partner eventually confessed feelings for the married person 1 week before I came over to find my partner. My partner then asked for a divorce when we were back in Singapore celebrating Christmas.

What emotions did you experience at the start?

Heartbreak, anger and betrayal. I never expected my partner to cheat on me given my partner's history of dating. My partner was always concerned about me leaving for someone else but I guess things reversed.

What support systems or resources were most helpful to you during this time?

Friends, family, my therapist and just space alone. I think it helped that my partner had to go back to continue the semester and also to find the affair partner.

What are the key lessons you learned from your marriage, the divorce journey, and the healing process?

One of the key things is to find out how you can improve but still always be true to yourself. Take the time needed to recover, occupy yourself with things to do and constantly try to live each day as better than the previous day

What do you think you could have done better for yourself during this time?

I wished I had to gumption to not beg my partner to stay at the start. I should have kicked my partner out of the house and show that I was not to be bullied.

What would you say to your ex-partner if you met them now?

You used to champion integrity and honesty. In reality you are a hypocrite and you should just admit it instead of hiding behind a facade.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone going through a divorce, what would it be?

Take your time to grief, make sure you have adequate legal representation and do find someone to talk about it.

How has this experience changed how you see love and relationships?

I think it has made me stand up to what I call bs. I used to tolerate it but no longer anymore.