Story005

What happened that led up to the divorce?

He claimed I was the source of his unhappiness but years after the divorce I found out it was just an excuse when in reality he had met someone overseas and wanted to bring her over to marry her.

What emotions did you experience at the start?

When he first broached the divorce, I told him he’s free to go as I don’t believe in holding back someone who doesn’t love me anymore. But that doesn’t stop the heartbreak and sadness as he was adamant that he didn’t want to give our marriage another chance.

What support systems or resources were most helpful to you during this time?

Close friends, supportive family, meditation, lots of reading and looking inwards to reflect on my role in this entire episode. I went to therapy initially but those weren’t helpful, though later on I went to one that gave me the hard truths I needed to move on.

What are the key lessons you learned from your marriage, the divorce journey, and the healing process?

Communication is key in any relationship. The communication in my marriage broke down early on into the marriage and we were just hanging on a thin thread for many years. The divorce journey was hard initially but knowing my family and friends stood by me during those difficult times helped a lot.

There were still times I lapse into what-ifs and whys but it’s been lesser as time goes by. Healing is definitely not linear. Even after so many years, there’s good and bad days. But as time pass and better experiences come by, the bad days got lesser.

What do you think you could have done better for yourself during this time?

Sometimes I don’t think I give myself enough credit that I walked through the difficult times, that I have the strength to stand on my own and walk this journey myself and that I am ok even if I’m alone.

What would you say to your ex-partner if you met them now?

That I finally know the truth. I can proudly tell the world that I had been nothing but loyal and trusting while he lied and betrayed me.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone going through a divorce, what would it be?

Finding support is important. Be it friends, family or perfect strangers who have been down this road. A good therapist will help too. Know that you will be ok even if right now you feel like crap. Better days are ahead. Life can only be understood backwards but it has to be lived forward. Have faith.

How has this experience changed how you see love and relationships?

A good relationship has to be built on communication and 2 whole persons coming together instead of hoping the other will complete him/her. We will be ok even if we are alone. Do not ever settle.