Story007

What happened that led up to the divorce?

I guess till this day I don’t know. He always took divorce as a clear option 2 days into the marriage... looking back, it was heartbreaking. Held on for 7 years - and uncountable threats of divorce , one day eve of a festive holiday he said I will no longer be his wife. Something in me clicked and I said OK.

For the first time, instead of begging and crying... I filed the papers the next day. He was shocked. But in me, something has already changed. It set in motion to claim back my dignity. I think back now , he would threaten divorce over not getting ready quick enough if we were going some where or if I went out and got back 15 mins later than I said I would - never mind the reason...

What emotions did you experience at the start?

Instant relief. I am educated, work in a very good company, earn good money - had a good position. I have great friends and a solid family. I was not scared. I felt no loss.

I started to remember almost instantly the person I was. Panic lasted only for 1-2 months. And then the promise of peace took over.

What support systems or resources were most helpful to you during this time?

Religion, family, selected friends. But most important, I looked into myself and trusted my decisions because I don’t want ME to fail. My grit and focus was most helpful. I wanted to rebuild well and fast - to start living again.

What are the key lessons you learned from your marriage, the divorce journey, and the healing process?

Possibilities are endless. I am enough. My income increased 3 fold, I built amazing friendships, I had the focus to take care of family - my mom till her dying breath. I was present. Biggest lesson: sleeping with the enemy is detrimental , get out of bed and run!

What do you think you could have done better for yourself during this time?

I have no regrets. I look around now and I know the marriage held me back. I am making up for lost time. I am empowered and very comfortable with the life I’ve built.

What would you say to your ex-partner if you met them now?

Nothing. It does not matter. He is not part of any equation anymore. Do not dwell.

If you could give one piece of advice to someone going through a divorce, what would it be?

Build trust with YOURSELF. In a fun side note : chose a war song. :) mine was Alicia Keys, Girl On Fire. It was on repeat. I did my best planning when it was in the background.

How has this experience changed how you see love and relationships?

I see love in different ways now. I see love in friends, family, my cats, my space, my home. It’s just filled to the brim. I am better at creating a safe space for me and for those that matter.